Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

And must I then, indeed, Pain, live with youall through my life?-sharing my fire, my bed, Sharing-oh, worst of all things!-the same head?-And, when I feed myself, feeding you too?

Holy shit, " somebody muttered in the dark."A virgin, " sputtered another."I didn't know they still made them.""He just did.

it's more than ok to say no to the people and places that harm your peace.

Love was generous precisely because it could never be immortal.

Youth is always too serious, and just now it is too serious about frivolity.

I've got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it's all lower.

Tim also has enough confidence so that it always looks like a Tim Burton film, but it really is collaborative. You're allowed to do it your way but of course he's always going to choose his way.

I have been determined for the past couple of years to move away from all those Holiday programmes.

I give people my heart and my full attention.

Lord I'm Doing All I Can To Be A Better Man.