Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Don’t forget to collect the memories on your journey. Remember, if you only focus on your destination, you will miss out on the benefits of the journey.

Your brain is not only the material inside your cranium, its something to be explored, developed and refined

For what's the use of talking with a man who has a disease and thinks about the stars?

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

I merely consider myself a father, and one role of a father is to provide financial resources for his family.

People talk about me as if I am the sole inheritor of the Guinness family fortune and worth masses, but I have hundreds of cousins.

I learned what I need to do in the long jump, what I needed to do in the javelin and I've been able to rectify those events. It's been a bit of a learning curve, which is good.

Life being very short, and the quiet hours of it few, we ought to waste none of them in reading valueless books.

In the long run, doing work that's important leads to more happiness than doing work that's merely profitable.

How can you tell drops not to fall when rain exists.... How can you tell leaves not to fall when wind exist.... And how can you tell me not to fall in love when you exist...