One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Sadly, our society still perpetuates the false ideal that a real man should be all masculine, and a real woman all feminine. Neither is possible, nor desirable.

Is it that I can have fun, or i know not what it is that's fun?

Pleasure without joy is as hollow as passion without tenderness.

Men are but men; we did not make ourselves.

I would rather be arrested as a traitor than fight a war for Wall Street.

Void of all honor, avaricious, rash, The daring tribe compound their boasted trash Tincture of syrup, lotion, drop, or pill; All tempt the sick to trust the lying bill.

There is a world above, Where parting is unknown; A whole eternity of love, Form'd for the good alone; And faith beholds the dying here Translated to that happier sphere.

Cooking has always brought me a happiness that I didn't think was available. I just fire up the stove, and things start to fade away.

The cross is the price of true love. Lord, give us the strength to accept and carry our crosses!

Jesus was a friend of women, the first and practically the last friend women had in the church.