On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.

I'll show you how, " Peter said. "Stop hiding behind your ignorance.

Society bristles with enigmas which look hard to solve. It is a perfect maze of intrigue.

A fair trial would have been no trial at all.

Oh," says Owen, "but I would have, you know." "I know you would have," says Liz, "and knowing you would have is nearly as good.

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

The more I photograph women, the less it is about transformation. Women are beautiful. All that really matters is enhancing that.

I s'pose, I can't have it all my own way, can I? You can't drown in a person unless they let you.

The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.

Xerox is really good at managing documents, and we're definitely good at managing through a process.