Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

We live in a world where people are always busy but produce little or no results.

Stop blaming and start being!

Getting adjusted regularly is part of my goal to win in life and on the field.

I'm not maximized yet.

The only thing that prepares you to run a company is running a company.

They can make the wild ideas we come up with a reality.

Every premeditated murder is always governed by a preparatory ceremonial and is always followed by a propitiatory ceremonial. The meaning of both eludes the murderers mind.

They may turn out to be a great disappointment, or perhaps they may be full of enchanting surprises.

Looking back isn't going to help you! Moving forward is the thing to do

Remember that the tongue speaks only what is in the heart.