In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

It’s payday every day of the week with Cosmic Ordering.

What we call 'time' isn't chronological but spatial

You can feel creative tension when you sense the freedom to be creative, the harmony not via compliance only, but through brainstorming.

For me, all writing -- storytelling and style -- gets back to the Bible, Twain and Hemingway, and not in that order.

The most wonderful and amazing people are those, who are true to themselves.

A man with a club is a law-maker.

Good luck is the willing handmaid of upright, energetic character, and conscientious observance of duty.

People should think things out fresh and not just accept conventional terms and the conventional way of doing things.

A human being has no natural rights of any nature.

I hate being told I can't do something because I'm a girl!