Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

Everything did mean something.

Isn't it awkward how some people strive to progress in life, but when they see someone who is progressing, they become very envious?

The reason why you date people is to get to know who you're gonna marry and spend the rest of your life with

You never know who’s watching.

Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men.

Education must enable a man to become more efficient, to achieve with increasing facility the legitimate goals of his life.

Part of the NAFTA legislation required studies of labor practices, and there was quite a good study that came out by a labor historian on the use of NAFTA to undermine and destroy unions.

I advocate the abolition of all religions, without setting up anything new of the kind.

I'm sure there are a lot of Italians who refer to themselves as goombahs and greaseballs and whatever. That's what people do. It gives them a sort of familiarity that other people don't have.

Know that success and inner peace are your birthright, that you are a child of God and as such that you're entitled to a life filled with joy, love and happiness.