Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Love will let you want and trust in Miracles.

I try to stay calm and I try to enjoy myself as I perform these actions so I perform them with minimal stress on my body.

Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.

What are we waiting for, assembled in the forum? The barbarians are due here today.

It's fun to be a little bit different in the world, to make a few new trails of your own.

Do what your momma tells you to do, go to sunday school, go to church, and when you die, you'll go to Statesboro.

Instead of talking yourself out of your future start talking yourself into it.

My folks were country music performers. They made records and even did a few tours with the Grand Ole Opry. There always were a lot of guitarists around.

I don't much care for Hollywood, I'd rather have a nice cup of cocoa.

The rights of children as individuals begin while yet they remain the foetus.