Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

An awesome thing children need is a frank smile from a sincere heart

And it's wrong of you to think that love leaves room for nothing else. It's possible to love something and still condescend to it.

'Freedom from fear' could be said to sum up the whole philosophy of human rights.

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man

Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.

He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.

We should do good whenever we can and do kindness at all times, for at all times we can.

There are two kinds of people, there's those who like Johnny Cash, and those that will.

I sometimes feel like I'm caught in a vise. Some people feel like I'm some kind of hero. Others hate me.

A World is not an ideology nor a scientific institution, nor is it even a system of ideologies; rather, it is a structure of unconscious relations and symbiotic processes.