My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Good friends are much hard to find.

Please open please if there's any justice in this world.

The best way to watch Breaking Bad is in the fetal position, sobbing.

Today, see if you can stretch your heart and expand your love so that it touches not only those to whom you can give it easily, but also to those who need it so much.

Mercy turns her back to the unmerciful.

Living in a constant chase after gain compels people to expend their spirit to the point of exhaustion.

I am playing the music I love and I really play it from my heart, and whatever the out form is - it doesn't matter whether it's art or music.

I think a philistine environment should be bracing for young artists. You have to make your own enjoyment, you've got to make your own art.

I don't know what the 'big time' is.