My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

I look for beauty every day and find it everywhere. My bliss in enhanced!

When things become insurmountable, some people quit, some keep goingfor no other reason than to continue. Because that’s all there is to do.

Without darkness, nothing comes to birth, As without light, nothing flowers.

I love you," she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital.

I would not have a woman go to Congress merely because she is a woman.

Your choices of action may be limited, but your choices of thought are not.

I quietly declare war with the State, after my fashion, though I will still make use and get advantage of her as I can, as is usual in such cases.

He did not think of himself as a writer for the simple reason that the world had never allowed him to think of himself in this way.

Take it and be thankful.

I'll probably be 80 years old and still performing. Music is like fashion, it changes. But some things will always be the same.