My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved.

Children do not give up their innate imagination, curiosity, dreaminess easily. You have to love them to get them to do that.

I think anyone who follows me knows how I react. It's not always poetic and perfect but neither am I.

The secret of staying fresh in a show is to remember that the audience you're playing for that night has never seen it before.

I was a nothing kid. Not particularly good. Not particularly bad.

WWE is a space where I thrived, and I loved, and I still do. I love connecting with an audience; that is the greatest thing about going back to WWE.

The youth may build or plant or sail, only let him not be hindered from doing that which he tells me he would like to do.

What was once foolishness to us-a crucified God-must become our wisdom and our power and our only boast in this world.

The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days.

Great is journalism. Is not every able editor a ruler of the world, being the persuader of it?