My comedy is romanticized laziness.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.

Follow your heart and go with the flow".

Keep positive.Stay focused.Stand strong.Fight on.

Life is not life unless you make mistakes.

I will sit down now but the time will come when you will hear me.

Statesman are suspected of plotting against mankind, rather than consulting their interests, and are esteemed more crafty than learned.

It's never too late to be who you were meant to be.

I love indoor plants. It makes any room feel open, fresh and homey. Keeping them alive is always a fun challenge for me!

No one is dumb who is curious.

I find I like it too much.