Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.

The danger in trying to do good is that the mind comes to confuse the intent of goodness with the act of doing things well.

Attitude is an accurate monitor of where we fall on the spectrum of pride and humility.

I have to say, her blonde bob was amazing. The delicate way it hugged her face and neck. The softness of it...

No men stand more in fear of God than those who most deny Him.

Animists are not so much people with a religion as people with a fundamentally religious way of looking at things.

Believe me, Hillary Clinton has tremendous hate in her heart.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

The poor are our brothers and sisters ... people in the world who need love, who need care, who have to be wanted.

We have nothing to do, but to choose what is right, to be steady in the pursuit of it, and leave the issue to Providence.

Defend our liberties and fashion into one united people the multitudes brought hither out of many kindred and tongues.