Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.

My heart is flooded with love. Drowning is the way to go.

He who has daughters is always a shepherd.

At the risk of sounding too cliche, I found a really fantastic church. That is what keeps me grounded.

The New Deals enmity for that system of free and competitive private enterprise which we call capitalism was fundamental.

Social Security's future has gotten worse, and each year we delay reform adds to the cost we are pushing off onto our children.

After The Beatles came on the scene everyone started putting on a Liverpudlian accent.

Everybody's got bills to pay. Sometimes you see people just go straight for the money, and that's disappointing.

Just the slightest turn toward the inside is a very big thing.

What is the moral? Who rides may read.

I'm not entangled in shaping my work according to other people's views of how I should have done it.