Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Glorious is the Voice of Man, and sweet is the music of the harp.

Berg was proud of his storytelling to the point where he collected stories about telling stories.

It was no secret joke that brought the smile and the sparkle in his eye, it was physics.

I write a book at least three times-once to understand it, the second time to improve the prose, and a third to compel it to say what it still must say.

Death is death no matter how it is inflicted

Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and atrophies without use. Exercise your observation muscle and you will become a more powerful decoder of the world around you.

Life holds so many simple blessings, each day bringing its own individual wonder.

It is like having a book out from the library. It is like constantly having a book out from the library.

I am a poor mendicant. My earthly possessions consist of six spinning wheels, prison dishes, a can of goat's milk, six homespun loincloths and towels and my reputation, which cannot be worth much.

I don't like that word [memoir]. Whenever my publishers have wanted to use it, I've told them to take it away.