Me and my big mouth! I'd get rid of it, only it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

All of us have schnozzles... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Everybody wants ta get inta da act!

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Don't put no constrictions on da people. Leave 'em ta hell alone.

What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Have you ever considered that there might be something wrong with your brain?Oh, I think there might be something wrong with everyone else’s.

The secret of happiness is this: Let your interests be as wide as possible and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile.

OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

In action be primitive; in foresight, a strategist.

[The] zero-sum caricature [applies] much more accurately to socialism, which stifles the creation of new wealth and thus fosters a dog-eat-dog struggle over existing material resources.

Clothing is . . . an exercise in memory. It makes me explore the past: how did I feel when I wore that. They are like signposts in the search for the past.

I live with carpe diem engraved on my heart.

It's God's job to run the world. Sometimes we accomplish more by doing less.

Find your passion, learn how to add value to it, and commit to a lifetime of learning.

The real big stars only keep this up for about seven years.