Many of the critics have kids of their own. It scares the hell out of them to think that their kids could be anything remotely like David Lee Roth.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

If grace belongs to God, there are those who say that luck belongs to the Devil and that he looks after his own.

A beautiful rose with an ugly soul wilts quickly.

It's a great experience. If you get a chance to run for president, do it.

Rien n'est plus parfait, plus acheve qu'un cadavre. Nothing is more perfect, more complete than a corpse.

Love exists within each of us from the moment we are born and waits to be discovered from then on.

The young people when I go to McDonald's, the Hispanic clerks will come by, 'Sheriff, can we have a picture?' over and over again. At least they want a picture with me.

No communication or gift can exhaust genius or impoverish charity.

I don't understand why James Bond has to be a man all the time. When Pierce Brosnan retires, why not one of us?

I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.

One of our predecessors said, "Throwing away the inexhaustible treasury of your own home, you go with your bowl from door to door, acting like a beggar"