MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Your Purpose in life goes beyond 9-5pm and obviously beyond your pension age. Identify, pursue and nurture until it becomes a lifestyle.

Steve Bruce is like a cat on hot tin bricks.

At home, we have begun the monumental task of returning the government back to the people on a scale not seen in many, many years.

One question you never want to ask God is, 'What's wrong with me - because He'll tell you.

Our task is to educate their (our students) whole being so they can face the future. We may not see the future, but they will and our job is to help them make something of it.

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.

Ive never taken for granted what weve had, not for one single game, not one single practice, ... Ive truly been blessed.

I want to praise activists through the years. I praise those of the past as well, to have them honored.

Kid A is about an abortion. An abortion of the soul. *Begins to cry, holds up air quotes* Thom Yorke.