Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I didn't need to understand the hypostatic unity of the Trinity

Alas, the heart is not a metaphor, or at least not always a metaphor.

Test a servant while in the discharge of his duty, a relative in difficulty, a friend in adversity, and a wife in misfortune.

A concave chest means that your diaphragm is sagging.

Love is born in fire, is planted like a seed. Love cannot give you everything, but it gives you what you need.

It can be so terrifying to open yourself up to true love. That love can be with your mate, with your child, with yourself, because we are ultimately such vulnerable little creatures in this world.

Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.

When they remain silent, they cry out.

'The Jungle Book.' It's one of the best animated films ever. I saw it when I was small at a cinema in Tehran.

The problem is, I can’t tell what’s real anymore, and what’s made up.