Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

It's a choice, it’s a bold move - disassembling the Box - and one that requires assertion, but the rewards are remarkable!!

The irony of life: Realizing a lifetime is barely long enough to figure out how it should have been lived.

You love meand love me notyour love is an arm of clockjoining hands with mineonly to leave me again

Once men are caught up in an event, they cease to be afraid. Only the unknown frightens men.

A day that I don't learn something new is a wasted day.

At the age of 16, something happened with my finger and the doctor told me, you never can be a organist or pianist, so think about what you do with music.

I would like you all to give me a round of applause as I have not crashed my car in over 15 months.

We don't have time to wait for President Bush to change his mind. How many breakthroughs have been missed as a result of this policy?

That's when I began drinking coffee. I was hung up on every little thing. I loved Paris, and felt straightaway at home. Not to be grandiose, but it seemed like all the city had been waiting for me.

I try to find a balance between positivity and negativity, celebration and critique in my work; I think there is room for both.