Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Read a good book every day. Books help to educate the soul. The mere joy of learning something new will instill the will to live in you.

A blank canvas...has unlimited possibilities.

Never shall a young man, Thrown into despairBy those great honey-colouredRamparts at your ear, Love you for yourself aloneAnd not your yellow hair.

even in death, his last breath was poetryexisting in the wind and on the breeze of"it used to be likes" forever remembering, yet never relivinghis lifewill never be what it used to be like.

Anything that's signed by me on EBay is a forgery and not authentic.

These people didn't know anything about black people, so the only thing they could imagine was the worst thing.

My first Western was called The Magnificent Seven.

The artist is the person who makes life more interesting or beautiful, more understandable or mysterious, or probably, in the best sense, more wonderful.

Billy Strayhorn wrote Multicolored Blue. Billy to me is the boss of the arrangers.

I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot.