Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.

Don't be fooled... If they gossip to you, they'll gossip about you.

You guys are so... dark. Even if I used flash, I'm not sure it would come out.""Y-yeah, " Percy managed. "You guys aren't photogenic.

Find your happiness in yourself.

I don't think you can work on feelings in politics, apart from anything else, political change can come very unexpectedly, sometimes overnight when you least expect it.

And I always read the English translation and always have conversations with my translator, for example about the names. I always have to approve it.

I've been called to the slums of the streets and the ditches of the world.

The English are not happy unless they are miserable, the Irish are not at peace unless they are at war, and the Scots are not at home unless they are abroad.

All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

Corporate conglomerates run without regulation do not work in the service of society, and run reckless and unchecked whenever possible.

Live through deeds of love, and let others live with tolerance for their unique intentions.