Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.

its in her eyes

We can't allow racism and xenophobia to gain traction.

I often cannot believe the things I do.

Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.

Tell the truth and read story books;it will take you to the magical moment in a glory night.

The big picture is a nice way to think of things if you have the freedom to.

The little man is still a man.

It's a very, very rare moment when another actor hurts you. I mean, that's not normal.

No one is forgotten. It is a lie, any talk of God that does not comfort you.

We don't have enough folks who grew up in working class rural communities.