In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

I had a dream about you last night... You replaced all the people in your life with kittens. It felt more like a prediction of the future.

Your territory of choice is irrelevant, time conversion is what matters.

I believe God lets us stumble along, slowly finding our way, and giving us chances to pick each other up.

All professions have some element of theater to them.

The greatest danger for artists is total freedom.

You have to do something bad to do something good.

There are no bigger donkeys than these workers.... Look at our 'craftsmen'; Sad that world history should be be made with such people.

If there is a conflict between the easy drift of prosperity and the ordeal of peace, the ordeal of peace comes first.

The worst thing about getting old is evil men cease to fear you

I do not think white America is committed to granting equality to the American Negro... this is a passionately racist country; it will continue to be so in the foreseeable future.