In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Lewis encourages his cancer-stricken and temporarily depressed wife that uncertainty rather than hopelessness is our cross.

You are having a bad day? Remember it could always be worse... It could be me having a bad day!

Kid Flash: Sorry. First time at the Hall. I'm a little overwhelmed.Robin: You're overwhelmed. Freeze was underwhelmed. Why isn't anyone just whelmed?

We have become so engrossed in the work of the Lord that we have forgotten the Lord of the work.

Actually, my correspondent's language is better than mine. He can put his sentiment into words.

I guess I'm just a normal kid apart from the acting.

Our customers want to give us more business and the key for us is to manage growing volumes properly.

I'd rather see the world from a different angle.

There is something so beautiful and inspiring about picking ourselves up with humility and dignity after we fall.

The blues had a baby and they called it rock and roll.