If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Everything comes if a man will only wait.

If we expect to inherit the blessings of our Fathers, we should return a little more to their primitive Simplicity of Manners.

Who would have thought something that happened that long ago could have such power?

All film directors, even the ones using 3-D today, want you to look at what they chose.

I do today what people won't, so I achieve tomorrow what other people can't.

If they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground.

To find one's special quality One must lead a life of deep humility. To serve in this way Never question but obey Is the blessing of St Aggie's charity. - The owls of St. Aegolius

On the way to work good-hearted young girls sometimes offer me their seats, which I accept and bless them in return, a transaction satisfying to all concerned.

It's hard for me to describe my own style because I'm me.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.