If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

If people but knew their own religion, how tolerant they would become, and how free from any grudge against the religion of others.

If your presence doesn't work, neither will your word.

Words without deeds are worthless.

I don't think school reform should be motivated by missionary zeal. I think it should be motivated by evidence of what works.

The ideal scientist thinks like a poet and works like a bookkeeper

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

A unicorn is a donkey from the future

The candidates unleashing heated words about race, bigotry, and intolerance. Donald Trump chasing the minority vote and hurling a blistering accusation at his opponent.

Formerly no one was allowed to think freely; now it is permitted, but no one is capable of it any more. Now people want to think only what they are supposed to think, and this they consider freedom.

Walt Disney was my great hero.