If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation is the philosophy of government in the next.

Confidence is the immaterial residue of material actions. Confidence is the public face of competence.

Greatness lies not in high or outstanding ability. It lies simply in the willingness to use what we have for others. The greater the 'other people' dimension, the greater our personal 'greatness'.

They say, timing is everything. But then they say, there is never a perfect time for anything.

Methinks I lied all winter, when I sworeMy love was infinite, if spring makes it more.

One graine fills not a sacke, but helpes his fellowes.

Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you

Bless be the ones who serve others. They are the ones who find heaven on earth.

I think one of the reasons with problems with conversation on race is that this is such a deeply personal conversation that it requires trust and someone you know.

Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments.