If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it's good to be married to someone who's not impressed with that at all.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

They were almost never alone, and now that they almost-practically were, he felt kind of frantic for her attention.

The heart is never neutral.

I think that being part of privilege and never having to work a day in your life is so boring. I'm so glad of what I've achieved. I'm so glad I've achieved it as well.

We ought to ban hunting, I suggest, if there isn't a purpose other than sport and fun. That should be against the law.

Keep in mind that there are many neurotoxins in the world. Dozens of natural and industrial substances have neurotoxic properties.

In Hollywood gratitude is Public Enemy Number One.

Every noble life leaves the fibre of it interwoven forever in the work of the world.

Well, you know, people don't know me as a country artist and I am new to the genre. But that's how I grew up singing.

I very seldom worry about other systems. I concentrate pretty fully on just making Linux the best I can.

There was no blueprint or how-to manual for fixing a global financial meltdown, an auto crisis, two wars and a great recession, all at the same time.