If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Love, positivity and gratitude are the most essential ingredients to a happy and fulfilled life.

My heart pounded annoyingly in my ears, and it was getting harder to stay focused. I'd almost gotten trapped in here, and now I'd come back. Sometimes I did have truly terrible ideas.

So many important things pass quickly without being understood at the time. So many powerful moments are buried beneath the absurd

What a person thinks about determines what he is.

...a great army of the proletarian party [must be] prepared to smash the reactionary forces and to clear the way for the advanced forces of society.

I didn't run from the situation. I didn't hide the ordeal from the reporters like the sissy baseball players. I fought it head-on... We dealt with it. It's over. And now we're moving on.

If you are out there shooting, things will happen for you. If you're not out there, you'll only hear about it.

When you love life, life will love you back.

The old philosophy was that parents, especially mothers, caused their kids to become schizophrenic. Now we see that when a kid is this crazy, he'll make the family begin to seem crazy.