If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

You know, I think that only if one feels immensely important can one feel truly light.

Art must not be intelligent; art is a jouisance, an enjoyment

I had a toy theater and a magic lantern, and when I was eight I built a stage for theatricals in the attic.

A new broome sweepeth cleane.

Take away a nation's heritage and they are more easily persuaded.

I'm on a search for the truth.

Every failure, every adversity, every heartache may be a blessing in disguise providing it softens the animal portion of our nature.

Wine maketh the band quivering, the eye watery, the night unquiet, lewd dreams, a stinking breath in the morning, and an utter forgetfulness of all things.

He will deal harshly by a stranger who has not been himself often a traveller or stranger.

Everywhere I go I buy new music shirts.