If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

How I wish you could have known me in my strength.

We must begin thinking like a river if we are to leave a legacy of beauty and life for future generations.

The hardest thing you will ever do is trust yourself.

Do you remember when you found out you wouldn't live forever? People don't talk about this, but everybody had to go through it because you're not born with that knowledge.

A wasted vote is voting for someone that you don't believe in

I was just a quiet kid, really. I wasn't the class clown at all.

True consistency, that of the prudent and the wise, is to act in conformity with circumstances, and not to act always the same way under a change of circumstances.

The power of applying attention, steady and undissipated, to a single object, is the sure mark of superior genius.

An absence of meaning opens a gap in time.

You'll never meet a nicer guy than Owen Wilson.