I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Love is like the sea. It's a moving thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from the shore it meets, and it's different with every shore.

Having a system for thinking deeper can provide greater insight into solving everyday problem. Such a system is shared in my book, Medical Investigation 101.

As the late baseball manager Sparky Anderson put it: “Losing hurts twice as bad as winning feels good.

Nothing burns more calories than dancing in 5-inch heels... try it!

A man doesn't cry. In my life, I've never cried. I cannot do it. I am a man. How will I cry?

Every day is my best day...I'm not going to have this moment again.

Anybody who's against birth control and abortion has to be a criminal idiot.

We put this 15-year old girl on the cover of a fashion magazine, and tell everyone she is the epitome of sexual perfection, but we jail anyone who touches her for another three years.

I know who I am and what I do.

The books that have helped me most are the ones I reacted to, not just read