I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

The Universe said, ‘Let me show your soul something beautiful.

Carry your candle of light to every dark place.

Laughter is a whip that keeps us in line. It's horrible to be laughed at against your will. Either you suppress unwelcome laughter or you start controlling it.

Empty pockets taught me a million lessons

No one can take the power within you.

It doesn't require much thought for one to realise that any travel book worthy of the name has to be a departure from the standard idea of the form.

I now find the most marvelous things in the everyday, the ordinary, the common, the simple and tangible.

The vulgar man is always the most distinguished, for the very desire to be distinguished is vulgar.

When you hit the wall, it's how fast you come back.

There are no negro problems, or Polish problems, or Jewish problems, or Greek problems, or women's problems, there are HUMAN PROBLEMS”.