I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

You can blow out a candle, but you cannot blow out a star.

There is a heel that is too high to walk in, certainly. But who cares? You don't have to walk in high heels.

It was just like a digital fixation with cards and math and science and then I started to look at images of great magicians from Houdini down the line.

Loudspeakers should be made to be destroyed and... disposable.

Next to religion, let your care be to promote justice.

If someone talks about union, fidelity, a monogamous relationship, love, blessing; I would say it sounds like marriage to me. And blessing, you see, I think is undermining our sacrament of marriage.

These are Gerald Celente's three Gs: gold, guns and a getaway plan.

I've been called over the top. How silly. If you don't go over the top, you can't see what's on the other side.

God bless the man who first invented sleep!" So Sancho Panza said, and so say I.

As our society gets more complex and our people get more complacent, the role of the jester is more vital than ever before. Please stop sitting around. We need you to make a ruckus.