I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Never disagree with anyone

The time has come to put an end to the fratricidal war and to recover at last peace and accord.

You can make a fresh start with your final breath.

Every five, six, seven, eight, 10 years I do a raisonné. When it's printed in the book, it's finished.

The square is not a subconscious form. It is the creation of intuitive reason. The face of the new art. The square is a living, regal infant. The first step of pure creation in art.

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's.

Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense.

Those who know don't tell and those who tell don't know.

No, I never saw an angel, but it is irrelevant whether I saw one or not. I feel their presence around me.

The ultimate compound return rate is acutely sensitive to fat tails.