I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person.

At the end of our lives, nothing remains except memories.

Like an energy even an opportunity cannot be destroyed, if you don't accept, it goes to someone else.

You teach what you need to learn.

Dickens writes that an event, "began to be forgotten, as most affairs are, when wonder, having no fresh food to support it, dies away of itself.

If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it. It is much easier to apologise than it is to get permission.

Being happy in your skin that's what it's all about.

I was voted Biggest Ham and Likeliest to Become a Celebrity.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

Never seen Jason fly before," Percy grumbled. "He looks like a blond Superman

Eternal vigilence is the price of liberty.