I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

Sometimes my life is in gray color but sometimes it is just like a rainbow.

Engaging spirits isn’t an elitist ability or industry, it’s being active in the connection with All Things. It’s innate to us all.

The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather it is about unbecoming who you are not.

The extremists took over the primary process.

Through our thanks, we honor all possibilities and bring the ones we choose into this world.

The more you move, the stronger you'll grow, not like a tree that can be killed if you uproot it.

A man should always be drunk, Minnie, when he talks politics - it's the only way in which to make them important.

There aren't really any actual misconceptions, just dumb people versus good, honest people.

Evils, like poisons, have their uses, and there are diseases which no other remedy can reach.

My cartoons appear in newspapers, which are full of words, but there's something about having it in this little box that confounds people's expectations.