Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

Don't cry about your struggles, they are the roadways to your future blessings.

If I knew I had 25 years left to live, I would spend 20 of them in preparation.

Adventure is not something you travel to find. It's something you take with you, or you're not going to find it when you arrive.

It's fun to slap people around.

It is curious how tyrannical the habit of reading is...

The most valiant thing you can do as an artist is inspire someone else to be creative.

Ultimately, contentment is more a shift in attitude than a change in circumstances.

Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow.

I'm especially interested in helping to give visibility to the pandemic of violence against women

The more we can grow on already cultivated land, the better.