I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice.

When I go to a party, nobody says hello. But when I leave, everybody says goodbye.

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today -- for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

I have never been drunk but I've often been overserved.

I've never been drunk but often I've been overserved.

Hu-man, Hu-mility, Hu-manity, is a title of nobility of the Perfected One, one who has knowledge of its self, and living its essence

All that's missing for Utah is a blindfold and a cigarette.

Civilization is an active deposit which is formed by the combustion of the Present with the Past. Neither in countries without a Present nor in those without a Past is it to be discovered.

Happiness is a habit—cultivate it.

I didn't expect such a huge reaction, but I knew I was doing something different to everything else that was happening at the time.

But by my love and hope I beseech you: do not throw away the hero in your soul! Hold holy your highest hope!

the less one does, as I long ago observed, the less one can find time to do.

I think everybody identified at a pretty young age that I was fairly entranced with myself. And that I had to be tempered.

Comedy has always been something I love, but for some reason - probably because of the British accent - I've always been pushed toward more period work.

I never attended a creative writing class in my life. I have a horror of them.