I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Now, where had I heard drinking and brawling before? Oh right, Ashley’s father. Well, I wasn’t doing that again.

Ignorance screens the truth. It is on that screen that people paint pictures and write underneath their labels "god" and "not-god" and "theism.' and "atheism" .

Even a president makes mistakes.

Sometimes it seems to me that the more we get hurt in this world the decenter it makes us.

My favourite shower jam song is 'Teenage Dream' by Katy Perry.

No change of job, no increased income, no new home, no new electronic device, or no new spouse is going to make things better inside of you.

I'm sure I have a lot to atone for, if there is a judgment day. It's gonna be a long list for me. It goes right up until I was about 18 and then I sort of straightened out.

When you have birds you stare at them a lot and their eyes are recessed on their head. When they look at something they tilt their head in a quizzical expression.

Nothing is more important to England's arrangements for the World Cup than the state of David Beckham's foot.

Life is what happens in-between the mother and the sister