I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

People like to warn you that by the time you reach the middle of your life, passion will begin to feel like a meal eaten long ago, which you remember with great tenderness.

I think we spend more time thinking of things to deal with than just letting them go. When we quiet our minds, that’s true freedom.

I think the most important thing people can do is to learn about their watershed. And it's something no one knows.

Our goal is to have a country that's not divided by race.

The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive…like I did when I was a homeless man.

Schools teach the need to be taught.

If I'm making myself laugh, I figure most of my readers will be amused as well.

There are two great injustices that can befall a child. One is to punish him for something he didn't do. The other is to let him get away with doing something he knows is wrong.

A library should be like a pair of open arms.

Like anything else, you can use the Internet for good or ill. You can get out of it what you want to. There's no evil about it. The way I see it, it's a liberation.