I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Business is boss, politics is servant.

If everyone realized the value of life, the world would be peaceful. The meaning of these words, "Do unto others as you would have them, do unto you, " would be understood: It would be practiced.

Heart of my heart, the world is young; Love lies hidden in every rose!

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same. And I still remember how you kept me so afraid.

Albania has to demonstrate that it is willing to be a reliable partner in the international community.

The powerful notion of entropy, which comes from a very special branch of physics … is certainly useful in the study of communication and quite helpful when applied in the theory of language.

You know what Ken Lay had for breakfast this morning? Shredded Wheat.

White people are very good at acting like they're not racist. They deserve an Academy Award for that.

Your work is the single greatest means at your disposal for expressing your social intelligence.

Time is the only commodity we deal with which cannot be counterfeited, stolen or placed in inventory. Remember, time is irreplaceable.