I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

The risk of the Holocaust is not that it will be forgotten, but that it will be embalmed and surrounded by monuments and used to absolve all future sins.

Then watch out. I warn you!" "That is very considerate of you," said Chrestomanci. "I like to be warned.

It's not that I'm rebelling. It's that I'm just trying to find another way.

Style doesn't change every month or every year. It only changes as often as there is a real change in the point of view and lives of the people for whom it is produced.

Tall girls are hot. Short girls are cute.

Look for the music on all things, and life will be a symphony of joy. My music is best understood by children and animals.

The closer to the top, the more grew in me the belief that it might be fulfilled, which most dreaming.

You take insult where none is intended, but if you will find insult where none is meant, then perhaps I should try harder to insult on purpose.

The best things in history are accomplished by people who get tired of being shoved around.

The hope of courage lies in every heart, together with the fear that we will fail. When the test came, you did not fail.