I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.

The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.

The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'

I'm not panicking, and I'm not scared, I've been through the Gulf War, the Asia crisis, and the Russian crisis.

Do you get the anger that is out here?

Facts, I feel, should be ready to yield to manipulation. But unfortunately they're a stubborn lot.

If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.

I’m very shy, I feel very awkward.

The character of the artist doesn't enter into the nature of the art

A story, after all, does not only belong to the one who is telling it. It belongs, in equal measure, to the one who is listening.

A higher power is leading you; be led by the same. It knows what to do and how to do it.

The fruit of the Spirit is . . . self-control

It's cool to know that I can make girls faint.