I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.

The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.

The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

Set an example for others to do better.

Nothing's more gratifying than to get a heart-felt 'Thank you' !

By faithfully working eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

The winner's edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude.

In fiction, beauty was run-of-the-mill.

If you put your cameras down you might be able to live in the moment. You have a memory there of something you've never lived.

Communism is fascism with a human face.

Anyone should be able to read comics.

Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud The eating canter dwells, so eating love Inhabits in the finest wits of all.