I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

It's a lonelything, protecting a breakable heart

Once again...welcome to my house. Come freely. Go safely

Crazy gets all the knives.

Most customers, by the time the musicians reach the second set, are to some extent inebriated. They don't care what you play anyway.

God's little Blond Blessing we have long deemed you, and hope his so-called Will will not compel him to revoke you.

As actors, we need a moment to take a breath and have a moment of slowness.

A born democrat is a born disciplinarian.

Everything may not be OK but if God is with you, you will be OK.

I've always enjoyed watching characters that aren't aware that they're doing anything funny. And I think that inherently makes them funnier.

You shake a slogan at an American and it's just like showing a hungry dog a bone.