I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

If they projected the fact that they are dangerous any harder, there would be little puddles of "danger" on the floor around them. Look, it's "danger", don't step in it!

To impress people as much as we would wish, we would first need to successfully adopt each of their value systems

Cost Accounting is enemy number one of productivity.

For me 'You & I Forever' is celebrating the person you love being by your side. This is what it means to others

Every day my mother had tea. My dad has his ritual cigar. They had their evening cocktail. Those rituals were done nicely, with flair and feeling.

Success doesn’t come from what you do occasionally, it comes from what you do consistently.

As time passes, I feel more and more a sense of acting being a fundamental part of who I am.

That's more than you know about anything else then.

You can't blend in when you were born to stand out.

To forsake Christ for the world, is to leave a treasure for a trifle, eternity for a moment, reality for a shadow