I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

The greatest gift you can give anyone is your undivided attention...

Tax reform should happen rather quickly.

Our poverty will be brought home to us to its full extent only after the war.

I'm a cold winter morning, y'all Summer's Eve.

Mother Nature made me the way I am, and I should be happy.

Happiness is the maximum agreement of reality and desire.

...I can't see either of these papers being in the next IPCC report. Kevin [Trenberth] and I will keep them out somehow, even if we have to redefine what the peer-review literature is!

I don't believe there is a clash between cultures. I believe there is a clash between perceptions of each other.

It's unknown the place and uncertain the time where death awaits you; thus you must expect death to find you, every time, at every place.

In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.